In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
