Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
