I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
