I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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