She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
