Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
