Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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