Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
