i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
