I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
