I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
