When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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