That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
