seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
