some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
