I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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