my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
