I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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