We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
