She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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