I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
