Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
organizing the empties. That sober.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
