OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
