Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
