you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
