Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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