guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
