I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
