You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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