It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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