I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
