I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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