Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
