There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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