It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
