A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I touched a dick in church today
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
