That's intense
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
