I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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