i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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