She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
