If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
