I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
