So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
