were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
