Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
