There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
