that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
