just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
