did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
