You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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