hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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